Self-Determination in the Virtual Era—Patrice Worthy
I was having a conversation with a friend about how the COVID-19 pandemic has affected the Jewish community. Many of us have been forced online to attend Shabbat services, celebrate bris, and are now planning holidays around Zoom. Some synagogues have seen an increase in membership, with virtual services removing the limits of a physical location. And for Black Jews, this is an advantageous paradigm shift. I have been able to engage in Black Jewish spaces that otherwise would have been unavailable to me. I’ve joined groups, taken classes, and built relationships that have opened up a whole new world creating surprising opportunities. Most importantly, these spaces have validated my thoughts on Black Jewry and how Black Jews must show up for ourselves.
Often times, I was the only Black member of a synagogue or organization where I was put in awkward positions forcing me to rely on the judgement of someone blind to racism. I did this in order to be accepted into communities that, looking back, were not ready for Black members. I would get thrown into a room full of bigoted people, and when I stood up for myself or pointed out racist behavior I would often get “No. That’s not true. I know them, they wouldn’t do that.” or “You must have misunderstood.” My own judgments, and even my experiences, were often disregarded putting my reputation and myself in danger.
These experiences caused me to question my sanity and led to low-self-esteem…. but something happens in Black Jewish spaces. A burden is lifted when we share our experiences. We begin to understand that we aren’t unique or even special, but realize we have all been victims of anti-Black behavior. And what I have come to understand is anti-Black behavior is so nuanced it leaves us isolated…. which means it’s working.
Listening to the stories of other Black Jews I understand the importance of trusting my gut, especially at a time when everyone is “anti-racist.” Many organizations want to hire Black and brown Jews to receive grant money and check off their anti-racist box. But unfortunately, the same people leading these programs today, are the same people that were in charge five years ago. They weren’t concerned about checking their anti-racist behavior then, and are only checking off boxes now. Many think simply being a Jew, a liberal, or donating to charity absolves them from being a bigot and it does NOT. All of the above is why it is imperative, for our own safety, to be secure in how we feel, what we know, and proceed accordingly.
As a Black Jew, I no longer need everyone to be in agreement with my behavior, and more importantly I don’t need to convince anyone of what I know to be true. For example, we knew racism was a huge problem within our communities, but look how long it took everyone else to see the truth. In the meantime, we were stuck putting our livelihoods in the hands of people in deep denial about racism, and in even deeper denial about how it affects Black folks. It’s akin to trying to take the keys away from a drunk driver who is determined to drive everyone home. In that situation we all know the wisest decision is to refuse to get in the car and take their keys away. Similarly, it seems as though white people can be so drunk with racial bias it affects their judgement. Yet, these same well-meaning white folks want to make decisions that affect my life, and the answer is a hard NO.
If a person has a hard time understanding racism exists, we cannot expect them to understand the nuances, pervasiveness, or extremity of the situation. While racial justice work is important, it is equally important for us to come together, even if it is virtually. In my opinion, accepting this isn’t pessimistic, it is part of the responsibility of showing up for myself. And when we start showing up for ourselves the possibilities are endless.
Patrice Worthy is a JOC Member at Ammud: The Jews of Color Torah Academy.
