Reflecting on My Sense of Identity — Maia Vyn-McFarlane

When I was little, I would wake up on the weekends to the aroma of a traditional Jamaican breakfast, the comfort of the food of my people. I grew up listening to the music, experiencing the warmth and vibrance of the culture. The ethnic diversity where I lived in Miami is reflected in the murals in Wynwood; each mural is different, but significant in its own right, like every person who belongs to a community. Looking back, I am grateful that I grew up with a connection to my culture because in America there is a pressure to assimilate.

As a kid, I was surrounded by strong African Americans, all artists and entrepreneurs that shaped who I am today. My sense of identity grew through the feelings and passion I had for the culture and people around me. This month is Black History Month, and we are reminded to look at the accomplishments of African Americans, and celebrate the rich culture that they bring to our society.

Moving away from Miami, now I live in a neighborhood that does not have the same level of diversity. It has been a difficult transition for me. Often, I have felt as if I am the only person of color here, like I am out of place. Without a Black community around me, I have struggled to find my people who make me feel at home. I haven’t figured out how to live as a proud, biracial woman, but I am getting there. I’ve realized that with embracing who you are comes a lot of power.

Writing this, I feel sad, because this experience is common for young, biracial people, including biracial Jews who do not feel Black enough for the Black community, or Jewish enough for the Jewish community. It is rare to find a community that creates a space to highlight the voices of Black Jews.

In a country that has racism engraved in its history, and people are still proud of this, we live in a time now that one day is going to be history for our future generations. I hope society does better this time, uplifting Black Jewish voices, speaking about the importance of education about our pasts, our people, and uniting in a common fight for a more accepting country.

as I reflect on what it means

to truly be in touch with my blackness,

my mind gets lost in a labyrinth,

but if we look deeper

into the nature of the soul,

we know even though

our ancestors lived long ago,

we carry their wisdom and power,

a common history

that our generations know

all too well,

the whispers of the spirit

carried deep in our being,

the knowledge and lessons

the elders were preaching - 

if only you knew the power

that lies within one single being

We must not forget who we are in times like these because this is the ascension of a new society, and we are all needed. What we are taught in the Torah is that love overpowers all evil and hate cannot live alone. I like to think that the recent transfer within the presidential office inspires a societal tikkun olam, our love going directly into the center of the hatred and birthing a new chapter. In The Gentle Weapon: Prayers for Everyday and Not-So-Everyday Moments, Rebbe Nachman of Breslov was quoted saying, “Let the good in me connect with the good in others, until all the world is transformed through the compelling power of love (Breslov Research Institute, Rebbe Nachman, Mykoff, 1999, p. 47).

This year, especially, I have longed for an inclusive community that reflects who I am as a biracial Jewish woman. I believe that connection and company are blessings we have been given to enjoy on this earth. Finding people that walk this path in understanding and compassion for one another is powerful. Having a place to call home, to be with other Black Jews and Jews of color, helps me to stand proud in my journey as a biracial Jewish woman, descended from the Maroons of Jamaica and the Sephardic Jews who embodied boundless courage, strength, and resilience. Growing up as a first generation Jamaican-American filled me with the passion and culture of my people. Remembering these moments keeps me connected to my ancestors and guides me through life.

Resource:

Breslov Research Institute (Adapter), Rebbe Nachman (Author), Mykoff, M. (Author). The Gentle Weapon: Prayers for Everyday and Not-So-Everyday Moments. Woodstock: Jewish Lights, 1999.

Maia Vyn-McFarlane is a JOC Member at Ammud: The Jews of Color Torah Academy.